Taking the cake!

Dear Duff,
Hi, my name is Jill. My daughter Eliza is obsessed with your show Ace of Cakes. I started recording it because I liked it. Now I've seen it every day for about 2 years. I'm writing you to inform you that I need NEW EPISODES! I can't take it anymore. If you don't, I'm going to personally get up in your biznatch! I will pipe "I hate you" on your building with buttercream frosting! You dig?

Funny

I was behind this truck on my way home from work the other day. Just thought I would share.

Consumed with Giant Microbes.

The other day I was browsing through a Think Geek catalog for Trav for Father's Day (go figure), and I came upon the plush giant microbes. Now, Eliza has always been interested in the human body and when she grows up, she says she wants to be a vet or a doctor and I believe her. I've seen these at a local toy store and have always wondered if she would be interested in them. So I had her come over and look at them. She recognized one of them right away. She pointed to it and said, "that one gives you a tummy ache." I could only stare at her. She said, I remember a picture of it in one of my books. She went and got her Encyclopedia of the Human Body and low and behold turned right to the page of a picture of e-coli. I told her that was right and it does cause a stomachache. Trav just leaned over and said, "She's officially smart. Now she's fact-checking." I've read that book to her many times and didn't recognize any of them. We're in trouble with that one. It's making my stomach hurt, or maybe it's just e-coli.

I only wanted a glass of water!

Eliza likes to play a game called restaurant. She will take orders and painstakingly go to her room and construct what you order from construction paper. It's a great game that allows her to practice her writing and also be creative. Anyway, one night I told her that I would have a glass of water with my meal and she disappeared into her room preparing my order. Next thing I knew she brought me this. I thanked her and turned to Trav who was holding his breath to keep from laughing. Again, I think the sex talk is coming soon.

A Nipple Experiment

You know I've never really been crazy about kids, but I must admit mine is pretty cool. The other day Eliza was getting dressed for school and she started playing with her nipple.
She said, "Mommy, what's this," as she continued to flick it.
I said, "that's your nipple."
"Mommy, why is it getting bigger?"
"Put your shirt on. You're just cold."
I have a feeling this was just a preview of our sex talks.

The Dreaded Speakerphone

As you may know, my mom retired a couple of weeks ago. That's great! I'm really happy for her. Yada. Yada. Yada. Well, since then, things have gotten to be a little strange. I don't mean just ha ha strange. I'm talking, should we up her medication strange. First of all, I have to say that my parents are joined at the hip. I mean this literally. They do everything together, and while I appreciate this as their daughter, I find it a little disgusting too.
Well, now they've started taking a strength and flexibility (yoga) class at our church on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Good for them. They run errands together. They clean house together. And what brought on my concern, they have conversations together. I don't mean to each other. I mean I can't call their house without talking to both of them at the same time.
Mom answers: Hello?
Hey mom.
Dad (in the background): Hello.
And so on and so forth. She will walk too far from the phone and I'm like, what? 

And she'll say: Oh, did I go too far?
My favorite from yesterday was when dad went into a coughing fit in the background. Instead of picking up the receiver, mom said: Oh, can you hold on, Dad's having a coughing fit?
This is just weird.

Dog Walking 101

Cesar Milan is one of my heroes (The dog whisperer). He always says to be strong and assertive. Well, I try honest I do, but walking the dogs is like wrangling wild cattle. Our walks usually go like this:

Daisy: Tree!

Lucy: Where

Daisy: Right here! Walk in front of our human and see!

Me: Lucy, no!

After they get back in the groove:

Lucy: Dog!

Daisy: Where! Hmm, hmm! (Whine)

Lucy: I got it. I'm going to try to rip human's arm off!

Daisy: (Whine)

Me: Lucy, no! Get back here!

Daisy: Kids!

Lucy: They have a ball! Let's run like a bat out of hell!

Daisy: (Whine)

Lucy: I got it!

Me: Lucy, no!

By the time we get home I'm so worn out by trying to stay calm and assertive I barely care they have run back into the house and started chewing on Trav's underwear. I love dogs!